


acrophobia

by saesomewoo



Category: Stray Kids (Band)
Genre: Acrophobia, Closeted, Fear of Heights, Implied Internalised Homophobia, M/M, acrophobic, angst??? honestly idk, brunette han jisung, greek myth references, han jisung is waiting, icarus and daedalus, lee minho is scared of falling, lovers without label, minsung - Freeform, non-au, raven-haired minho, rooftop, unofficial lovers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-03
Updated: 2020-10-03
Packaged: 2021-03-08 04:46:49
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,030
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26799781
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/saesomewoo/pseuds/saesomewoo
Summary: "this is ironic," the raven-haired boy muttered to himself, but it was loud enough for the brunette to hear. the younger looked over at the raven-haired with his eyebrows raised in question. the raven-haired boy, upon noticing that he was heard, sighed, before repeating himself again, louder this time."this is ironic," he took a deep breath, looking down, "i am acrophobic and here i am, in the highest possible place in seoul. with you."
Relationships: Han Jisung | Han/Lee Minho | Lee Know
Comments: 1
Kudos: 23





	acrophobia

**Author's Note:**

> han jisung is the brunette and lee minho is the raven-haired. keep this in mind as you read! i still don't know why i didn't use their names......... anyways, enjoy!
> 
> this is the fanart i made for this (i am legit dumb idk how posting images in ao3 works so)
>
>> — 새니 | ꪶꪮꪮᛕ꠸ꪀᧁ ᠻꪮ᥅ ᶜᵃʳᵃᵗ♡ˢᵗᵃʸ ꪑꪮꪮꪻᦓ (@saesomewoo) [Acrophobia](https://twitter.com/saesomewoo/status/1312496307160850432?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw)

the greeks had conjured numerous stories of twisted love and how they end; falling in love with inanimate objects, falling for something they can never have, falling for something that could kill them; something that could have been more but did not grow to anything, for some reason. there are a lot of stories in greek mythology that are too beautiful to be called a tragedy, and oftentimes, those stories are the stories that we wish had never ended the way they did. some stories ended in a way it felt like they were not supposed to; some ended like how they should, regardless if they were abrupt or foreshadowed, or if the protagonist was deserving for it or not. but in all actuality, the end never really matters.

sometimes, the beginning is already the tragedy itself.

he had always remembered how his mother would tell him different stories from greek mythology before bed. he could still remember her honey-like voice at the back of his head, almost as if like a broken record that he could never get rid off, wrapping around him like a blanket in a hymn of beautifully crafted words, lulling him to slumber. one of their favourite was the story of icarus and how he fell into his death.

daedalus and icarus were taken captured inside a labyrinth they built themselves. daedalus, being the loving father of icarus, had used his creative mind once more, planning for an escapade and making two pairs of beautiful wings from scratch. with their handcrafted wings, off to freedom they went, flying and leaving the astonished soldiers behind to gawk at them. after they had escaped, daedalus had continuously warned icarus to not get too close to the sun, for it will melt the wax that held his wings together.

icarus did not listen. or maybe he did, but there was something about the god apollo that even the young, wise icarus could not comprehend, that he had lost all the reasons he had, blinded and stunned by the beauty that shone before him. as reckless as he was, he didn't mind the heat on his skin.  
he flew closer. the sun was warm, like a hug on a summer night after a long day of burrowing the field—he flew closer and closer; he wanted to see more, to feel more—the sun was like the daisies that his feet crushed as he ran along the fields, laughing as the blue sky kissed his dirt-covered cheeks, chasing a friend through the woods, the ends of his tunic fluttering like a maple leaf drifting through the air before it falls to the ground, just as the spring wind blew.

the sun was like a small portion of tasty meat for the first time in autumn, after his father had made enough coin for them to spend—closer... just a little bit more—it reminded him of everything he loved, of winter nights that was spent in silence as the scent of the candle burned through his nose. he felt like he could smell it, right at that instance, so he closed his eyes and pretended to be back at home, in a body of a seven year old boy, watching the stars as his mother stirred the contents of the cooking pot. he could see his father in front of his work desk, eyebrows furrowed in concentration as he tied a piece of his machine onto it's body.

it was too late to realise that the comforting scent of melting candle wax was not from his memory, but from his wings that was solely made of wax and feathers. his wings slowly melted, burning his skin, making him scream in pain. it was painful. the wax against his skin was painful. he felt like he melted with his wings, like how the candle slowly melted and turned into a block of hard, solid wax on the table in the morning.  
icarus fell to his death, drowning in the ocean as his father screamed for his name.

* * *

  
like daedalus and icarus, two boys sat above everything else in the world, but instead of father and son, they were lovers. they could see everything beneath their feet, and from above, everything looked so small. instead of wings, they were on the restricted part of the rooftop of the tallest building in seoul, both sitting on the edge, their feet dangling down the 123-floor drop. but like daedalus and icarus, the highlight of their story was their escapade.

"why do you like it here?" the brunette boy who had round cheeks and big eyes, asked the other, looking over at him. he chewed on his bottom lip in anticipation as he stared at the other boy who had his neck craned beautifully, showcasing his sharp jawline, and the rest of his side features, as he leaned back on his arms to look up at the sky.

the brunette couldn't help the blush that was spreading down his cheeks to his neck, the boy was breathtakingly beautiful. there was never a time that he wasn't, even in the mornings when they had slept together, limbs in a tangled mess, and the brunette wakes up to the raven-haired boy's bare face, frowning at the sun, as he buried his face into the crook of the brunette's neck, sighing in content.

"hmm?" the raven-haired boy let out a breath (mint and caramel, the brunette could tell, a taste he would want to fill his mouth with later that day), before meeting the brunette's eyes. they shared silent words through that stare, confessions perhaps, and after a minute of silence, their lips slowly quirked into a subtle smile, simultaneously glancing away from each other as their heart thumped inside their little chest.

like flowers shying away from the wind as it blew.

the brunette, then, remembered what the exchange was about, so he took a deep breath to face the older again, "why do you like it here?" he repeated, voice seemingly sweeter now because of the smile on his lips.

"well, i like the view." 

the brunette nodded at that, knowing well enough that the raven-haired, indeed, despite having a fear of heights, liked looking at the sky like he was a part of it. like he was a bird, waiting to open up his wings and take off, leaving everything behind.

silence passed between the two once again, one was looking at the skies, the other towards the busy streets of seoul 556 meters down. it seemed like silence was never a stranger to them; the lack of words to say, and the subtle stares and brushes of fingers were enough. no words were exchanged when they fell in love, after all, it was just their hearts all along.

it was just their hearts all along, and the hand holding that one fateful night; the finger taps as the brunette timed the beat for the raven-haired, which the latter would forever be grateful for. he decided that the brunette's hands were magical, how it brought him comfort every single time, how the brunette hands fit perfectly around his, like they were made to be together. if the raven-haired believed in soulmates, he'd say that he and the brunette were. that those words he wrote on a piece of paper was true. that they, indeed, were soulmates.

"this is ironic," the raven-haired boy muttered to himself, but it was loud enough for the brunette to hear. the younger looked over at the raven-haired with his eyebrows raised in question. the raven-haired boy, upon noticing that he was heard, sighed, before repeating himself again, louder this time.

"this is ironic," he took a deep breath, looking down, "i am acrophobic and here i am, in the highest possible place in seoul. with you."

the brunette smiled a little in adoration, looking down to their hands beside them, pinky fingers brushing against each other unconsciously. he was proud of the older for so many things, and yet what is there to be not proud about? everything about him was perfect, from his wide eyes and the permanent charismatic bags underneath it, his pointed little nose and his lips. the brunette could go on for eternity about the things that he loved about the raven-haired, but time has always proven itself to be short, so he had decided that listing what he loved about the older, he would let it stretch into another lifetime, to the one after that, to the fourth and fifth, until the end of time.   
the raven-haired was never afraid of his fears. he'd always push through despite the loud rumbling of his heart in his chest, despite the trembling of his knees. and although it can be self-destructive, sometimes foolish; a masochist, as what people liked to call him, the brunette loved this about him.

and maybe, for the both of them, this is where everything went downhill. maybe—just maybe—the brunette was wrong about the raven-haired for once in his life.

he moved his hand atop the raven-haired boy's, wrapping around it, and the raven-haired turned his hand so they were palm to palm, intertwining their fingers. the warmth that spread through their bodies from just the first touch of their fingertips was like the wildfire they were both accustomed to, licking at their skin, giving life to the electricity and the butterflies, and they would never want to let go.

"same. you know i also hate high places." the brunette says, still looking at their intertwined hands.

"you are literally afraid of everything, scaredy cat." the raven-haired teased, chuckling a little before bringing their hands onto his lap, looking up at the sky.

the brunette watched the raven-haired, as the sky behind him slowly bled pink and orange, wrapping him in what seemed like an explosion of sunset colours. the wind was ruffling his hair, and his dangling earring glistened. his defined jawline was accentuated with the shadows of his face, and although his lips were quivering and pale, and his eyes were light with satisfaction but shaded with fear, however having those two feelings at once possible, he looked at peace. the brunette breathed. he was beautiful.

the raven-haired boy was beautiful.

"is it worth it?" the brunette asked. and they were the only ones who understood what the brunette was pertaining to.

the raven-haired closed his eyes, his lips quirking in a subtle smile, "yes."

"you know what, i've been thinking of a lot of things lately," the brunette voiced out his musing after some time, glancing away from the raven-haired when the latter turned his head to look at him. he looked down, staring at the people that looked like ants on the street. he sighed, calming his heart.

"like how life is full of irony. of ridiculous things." he muttered, sighing, "i want to fly, to open up my wings and soar high," —the subtle smile that spread through the lips of the raven-haired didn't go unnoticed by the brunette—"i really do, but i always find myself looking down. like there is more to see on the ground than when you're on the sky. it doesn't make sense at all, but i find comfort in it."

"you," the brunette turned his head towards his companion, flashing a gentle smile at the startled look on the boy's face, before continuing, "you have always been afraid of looking down. your eyes are always set on what's above you, and never on what's under your feet. and yet, you still find yourself quivering when you're standing on a high place. it's ironic, isn't it?" the brunette breathed, glancing towards his feet again before chuckling nervously, afraid that he was just blabbering nonsense, "life itself is irony."

the raven-haired boy hummed, still surprised at how the younger knew him so well, maybe even better than he knew himself. tapping his fingers softly against the brunette's hand, "it is." he mused, agreeing.

"you know how i feel about you, right?"

it was a question that surprised them both, and in the midst of getting lost in their thoughts, the brunette couldn't catch those words when it fell out of his lips. it was too late to take them back to his lips for him to swallow yet once again, and it hung uncomfortably in the air, like the infamous elephant in the room. the brunette was sure that they both heard it quite well, and he almost wished that the wind was loud enough to drone it out.

the raven-haired froze, his grip on the brunette's hand loosening up a bit. he hummed, his throat achy and dry. there was nothing he could say. no words were forming in his mind, all he could think about was the brunette and his beautiful eyes that seemed to be always filled with wonder, and his round, chubby cheeks that made him look younger, and pure, and innocent and— and beautiful, and how he laughed like he was the only person in the world and how he loved to care for others and... and.

_and the brunette loved him_.

the brunette loved him so much and he always, always, always told the raven-haired that he did, showed him that he did, very much so, and yet, not one time was it returned.

the raven-haired heard the brunette's pained sigh beside him, and his heart ached at the thought of seeing anything but a smile on the brunette's beautiful face.  
it was his fault anyways. it has always been his fault anyways. 

he was acrophobic.

"you know i lov—"

"please don't say it." the raven-haired croaked, eyes unfocused as he turned his head away from the brunette. he'd hurt him. he'd only hurt him. he could never afford losing the brunette. "please. i—i know what you feel. you don't have to say it."

"i—i... it's alright. i understand," the brunette's voice cracked at the end, making the raven-haired boy turn to him in worry. the brunette forced a laugh out of his lips, shaking his head at himself. he, once again, swallowed down the obvious rejection, burrying it deep, deep, down until it fell to a pile of unrequited confessions for the raven-haired, "i understand. it's okay. i understand." he repeated, almost convincingly, if it wasn't for the tears that glistened at the corner of his eyes.

the raven-haired couldn't tear his gaze away, no matter how hard he tried to. the brunette was beautiful, even with tears threatening to cascade down his cheeks, even more so with love and passion in his eyes. the raven-haired, upon realising that those stares were thrown only at him, couldn't help but feel his joyful heart's somersaults, dancing to a song he didn't dare to sing. it took all of his will power to not close the distance between them and press his lips onto the brunette's, to finally, finally, finally, tell him those three words he could never say back, just so he would smile again. he couldn't.   
he was acrophobic.

_["maybe you're not really scared of high places," the brunette once said, while they were alone in their dorm, hands interlaced as they laid on bed, staring at the ceiling in thought, "maybe you're just afraid of falling,"]_

and so, the raven-haired took the brunette's hand in his, kissing his knuckles, still staring at the brunette's soft eyes, hoping to make him realise that what the raven-haired felt for him was the same, even if he could never admit it aloud. 

_["maybe people are afraid of falling because they don't want to get hurt," the raven-haired added, as he turned his head towards the brunette, noticing that the latter was already staring at him. he smiled, and the brunette smiled back, and they stayed like that for a while, far longer than how friends should; eyes dripping with unsaid confessions, far gone beyond the line of what bestfriends do.]_

the brunette understood, he tried to, and the raven-haired finally smiled fully, and that was all that mattered. maybe.  
maybe.

so he let a grin break his lips apart.

* * *

there was a boy who stood above everything else in the world; the beautiful things laid upon his feet, but instead of a look of wonder and satisfaction, there were dread and fear in his eyes. his lips pale, his eyes glistened with unshed tears, his hands shook beside him. he was scared. he was scared of everything before him.

the ghost of touch around his hand slowly faded as the cheers got louder and louder, as the lights got brighter and brighter, until the warmth was no longer there. he felt cold. so, so, so cold, that it felt like he was thrown into the ocean, right in the middle of winter. the plunge was painful, he was drowning and he couldn't move his limbs to stay afloat. he couldn't breathe. he felt like he was just letting the water swallow him whole, for him to die, to drown, to fall. there were lights that shone upon him, but it was so bright that he couldn't see anything else. ' ~~help~~ ,' he wanted to scream. ' ~~anyone, please~~ ,' he called.

no one answered him, no one heard him, which was ironic because he was holding a microphone in his hand, and he was sure there were at least 20 speakers around him.

_["life is irony." there was a boyish smile from a brunette who had big eyes that seemed to stare into the raven-haired boy's soul, as if to read him, when in fact, he didn't need to. not anymore.]_

he looked to his side, and he could make out a mop of brunette hair in the dark. his heartbeat sped up. his hands shook beside him, and there was a gnawing urge at his stomach to reach out his hand towards the brunette, but he didn't. he didn't.

~~he didn't~~. he couldn't.

the ghost of touch was gone and it left him drowning.  
just like how icarus fell for the sun, the raven-haired boy fell for the brunette.

but the things was, he was acrophobic.


End file.
